Greetings and welcome back to another edition of ...

about the 2021 NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament

In our previous issues you were presented with numerous statistics, facts (I use that term very loosely), historical tidbits and a potpourri of delightful information about the NCAA teams competing in the "First Four" the "West Region" and the "East Region." Only 2 regions to go!

[*Sighs wearily into his beer glass.*** I'm certainly reconsidering this idea.]

BUT, we must soldier on! Today's teams to ponder are from the South Region.

The South Region

(1 Seed) Baylor

Baylor deems itself the largest Baptist university in the nation.
Their school motto is "For Church, For Texas," which doesn't require much reading between the lines to translate this to: "F*ck anyone who is not Baptist or Texan."
The university was named after a former Confederate General, xenophobe and white nativist named Robert Emmett Bledsoe Baylor. Perhaps not ironically his initials spell out "REBB."
Other impressive facts about this bastion of christian charity and good will include that, as Judge in nearby Independence, Texas:

He punished an abolitionist for harboring an escaped slave.
He punished a man for not returning a borrowed slave in a timely fashion.
He sentenced a slave to death for arson.
He fined a man who had purchased bacon from a slave.
And ordered a slave to be hanged for "intending to rape a white woman."

For his honorable service the residents of Waco and Independence Texas decided to name a college after him. (As one would.)
Other notable moments in Baylor's goal towards civil harmony and acceptance include:

They accepted their first African-American student in 1964.
In 2015, they altered their official Student Conduct Code to permit inter-racial sexual conduct amongst its students.

2015!!!!!!

At around the same time, the Baylor football program was embroiled in a sexual assault scandal in which numerous female students came forth to allege rapes and other sexual assaults. The coach, Art Briles, attempted to concoct a false scenario in which one of his players was the supposed ringleader of some type of prostitution ring. The player was later murdered. Art Briles was eventually suspended, and ultimately fired.
The Student Newspaper is referred to as "The Rope."

Athletically, Baylor University has a long tradition of ... WHO THE F**K CARES!?!? HOW DOES THIS INSTITUTION EVEN CONTINUE TO EXIST!?!

Baylor is heavily favored to make the Final Four. Yay Sports!

(16 Seed) Hartford

The University of Hartford is a private school of 6,000 students located in Reno, Nevada.
Notable aspects of this fine college are that it has its own Magnet School, which attracts students from as far away as Connecticut.
The UH is also noteworthy for having 5, yes FIVE!, a cappella groups. Each your heart out Florida State.
One often overlooked aspect of UH's history is that it was instrumental in identifying (rather haphazardly it was later learned) potential communist subversives in the Hartford (I mean Reno) area. In fact, in 1952 esteemed United States Senator Joseph McCarthy bestowed the College Newspaper the honor of "Snitches of the Year." The College newspaper, "The Informer" (obviously) is still in publication today.

(8 Seed) University of North Carolina

The University of North Carolina is a private Buddhist Monastery situated in the breathtaking mountains of Nepal, a nation in Central Asia.
UNC (as the monks call it) has never fully explained its association with the National Collegiate Athletic Association, but the accepted notion is that it is based on his holiness, the Dali Lama's, preference for Carolina barbecue that's contributed to this relationship.

(9 Seed) University of Wisconsin

Keeping in mind that the UW is one of the overall best athletic achieving universities in history, take a quick peek at what the school has achieved academically, and I quote:

Among the scientific advances made at UW–Madison are the single-grain experiment, the discovery of vitamins A and B by Elmer McCollum and Marguerite Davis, the development of the anticoagulant medication warfarin by Karl Paul Link, the first chemical synthesis of a gene by Har Gobind Khorana, the discovery of the retroviral enzyme reverse transcriptase by Howard Temin, and the first synthesis of human embryonic stem cells by James Thomson. UW–Madison was also the home of both the prominent "Wisconsin School" of economics and of diplomatic history, while UW–Madison professor Aldo Leopold played an important role in the development of modern environmental science and conservationism.

That's it? Never mind, that this is some weak ass shit, what is worse is that UW is publicly claiming innovations that my 11 year old twins perfected decades ago.

Seriously, "reverse transcriptase" Professor Temin?
I think you can clearly see a much more advanced formulation of the retroviral enzymes being formalized here.

But here is its folks, the 8/9 matchup in the South Region will be the ultimate battle between religion and science; perhaps predicating the end of humanity as we know it. Looks like a good matchup!!

(5 Seed) University of Villanova

I will eventually update you all on how many Catholic schools are playing in this year's tournament (not NOTRE DAME *maniacal laugh*) but I'm beginning to think that Jesus the carpenter is the one who built that peach basket for Mr. Naismith.
Regardless, 'Nova had their one shining moment 3 years ago, then Purdue absolutely destroyed them in '19. Conclusion: it is Lent. Catholic Schools should be suffering, not celebrating.
Prediction: Winthrop by 11.

(12 Seed) Winthrop University

Winthrop University is the highest rated College in the State of South Carolina. I could make a comment about the competition, but I would prefer to drape this 6,000 student school in all the plaudits.
Additionally, this school has won 11 Big South Championships since 1988. NO school in the NCAA has the same level of conference dominance.
Go Eagles. Heading to the second round for sure.

(4 Seed) Purdue University

Purdue University, located in West Lafayette, Indiana has been regaled by numerous scholars, politicians, world leaders, and religious figures as the greatest academic and athletic institution in the country, nay, the world.

A few quotes:

Jesus: "Alas, the greatest school my Dad created did not find me suitable for admission. Nonetheless, though not a school based on some crazy faith, I admire Purdue for being a meritocracy and not a legacy program."
Einstein: "Yo, shorty, that school is dope!"
The Dali Lama: "On second thought, UNC sucks!"
Buzz Aldrin: "Yeah, my boy Neil Armstrong and I were the first dudes on the Moon, but in my opinion Purdue's greatest alum is Dr. George Reklaitis. What!? You don't know who that is?! I suppose you don't believe the moon landing is legit either? *Punches the old lady who he was talking to.*

Prediction North Texas: 79-Purdue 68

PS Neil Armstrong, the 1st human on the moon, graduated from Purdue.

(13 Seed) North Texas University

NTU's location is a mystery to many - at least in terms of which state it may be located, and FORGET about which region of the state the campus may be found.
There are 7 colleges from Texas participating in the NCAA Tournament this year. SEVEN.

For comparison sake:

0 schools from Hawaii
0 schools from Rhode Island
0 schools from Nevada
0 schools from Minnesota
0 schools from Kentucky
0 schools from Mississippi

Good thing Texas has a lot of oil money
Revised Prediction: Purdue 89-NTU 69

F Texas

(6 Seed) Texas Tech (School For Morons)

Oh look, another school from Texas
When Purdue Center Isaac Hass injured his elbow via an obvious illegal and felonious "hook-and-hold" move by the idiots (I mean "athletes") of Cal-Sate Fullerton, TTU managed to well, just upset everyone. Asshats!
Take a nap during this game, the Aggies of Utah State have got this.

(11 Seed) Utah State

I have to be honest with you guys, I'm starting to fade in this endeavor.
This is school 50 in my attempted encyclopedic effort to catalog all 72 teams/universities in this year's tournament.
I'm not giving up, but the remaining schools in this region are gonna get shorter shrift.
I did take a break to watch the first few games of the "First Four" and during the interminable break preceding the UCLA/Sparty game I watched the end of "Hoosiers."

I had started watching it the other night while preparing my nightly research, but felt the need for an emotional boost as I continued this hallowed effort.
As during the previous 343 times I've watched the film, I was bawling by the end.

But yet I persist, as Coach Norman Dale (and Senator Elizabeth Warren) would have wanted because, and I quote, "I love you guys."
What does any of my whining got to do with the Utah State Aggies?
NOTHING!

They are the biggest public school in Utah, they were the largest campus center of support for the Iranian Revolution in 1979, and they will beat Texas Tech by 7 points.

(3 Seed) Arkansas

Ok, I am back! Hickory High was victorious; a couple of Amstel Lights and a sleeve of Caramel Delights are in my system; and even though I am emotionally spent and calorically bloated, at least I've got a sugar high going on!
Anyway, on to ...

Silas Herbert Hunt
The First African-American college applicant to get into a major university without anyone throwing a fit of trying to sue.

If you need some refreshers see James Meredith, Orval Faubus, or George F'n Wallace

The Pigs (or whatever their nickname is, enjoyed a nice stretch of NCAA Men's Basketball success in the late 1980s culminating in a national championship in 1994 (that should have rightly been won by Purdue.)
Where was I? Oh yeah, Purdue needs to win a championship soon.
But take a look at the bottom half of the South Bracket. Arkansas is in a nice spot to make some noise.

(14 Seed) Colgate

Your nightly reminder to brush your teeth.
Quick overly-personal story.

I walked up to bed late Monday night after working on one of these blogs (still not sure why) went into the bathroom, brushed my teeth, and fell into bed.

"George, go brush your teeth," my wife mumbled, half-asleep.
"Just did," I replied.
"GEORGE," Christina said, a bit more insistently, "no, go brush your teeth."
"I brushed my TEETH!" I retorted with as much (or as little) annoyance I could muster at 2:30 in the morning.
"No you didn't!" she insisted, with someone with far too much resolution considering it WAS 2:30 in the morning and she only woke up AFTER I had brushed my teeth and laid down in bed.
So, not wanting to prolong a trivial argument, I grabbed my pillow and went to sleep in my son's bedroom.

When it comes to a comfortable night's sleep in my own bed or brushing my teeth TWICE a night, I say ... F OFF COLGATE!!

In basketball news, Arkansas will prevail easily over their minty-fresh-feeling opponents.

(7 Seed) Florida

Quick and simple prediction (LISTEN TO ME):

The Florida Gators will have to withdraw from the tournament for COVID Reasons.
It may be before or after they lose to Virginia Tech, but there's no way this team, from this state, should be allowed to participate in any sporting event outside of the Florida Governor's Mansion. Speaking of Virginia Tech...

(10 Seed) Virginia Tech

You may remember me reflecting on my disappointment that Christine Reklaitis, my Sister-in-Law, is a graduate of the University of Virginia. Let me be clear, my disappointment, if you remember, was NOT that she is my sister-in-law (far from it, my brother wed very well); nor am I in any way disappointed that she had the opportunity to attend and succeed at one of America's finest collegiate institutions there in Charlottesville.
Now at this point you and the hundreds of friends who have gathered around your phone to read this blog are starting to look at each other and murmur .... "yeah, whatever dude, but are you not supposed to be providing witty literary banter about Virginia Tech NOT UVA?!?"
Ok fine, you nosy, drunk bastards; here is my TOP 10 rankings of 2021 NCAA Mens' Basketball Tournament Teams' Campuses:

Purdue
UCSB
VaTech
UMD
UVA
UW-Madison
UTenn
GATech
Nope that is it

(2 Seed) Ohio State

OSU Sucks but they shall beat ....

Friday, March 19, 2021

It's not just hoops, it is History! (Volume 3)