Welcome folks. With a heavy heart after Purdue's almost win against the Jayhawks last night, and the high-blood pressure associated with getting back to all the "I'll take care of this after Spring Break," stuff I've put off for a week, I bring you the 15th Annual OTP Awards. Without further ado...
Best First Round
Performance:
Unbelievable, but Trudy McPhail has won this award for the
FOURTH STRAIGHT YEAR! Good Lord Trude, if you could keep this going beyond
round one we might have to test you for psychic abilities. Last year she rocked
the boat with only 6 of 32 incorrect picks. This year she dropped to seven
misses, but great job again Mrs. McPhail!
As for best NCAA Tourney first round performer, can you spell
D-R-A-Y-M-O-N-D!? Draymond Green’s triple-double against LIU-Brooklyn (Sorry
John Avitto, your prediction of a Blackbird run to the Championship was
thwarted) was only the third such feat in NCAA Tourney history. Care to guess
the other two (no googling)? The Sparty candidate for the Naismith Award put up
a 24-12-10 Friday. Interestingly, Mr. Green (how could he NOT play for MSU with
that last name?) would have been a classmate of OTP competitor Dan Boulton –
had Mr. Boulton been born 20 years ago. Whoops…
Best Second Round
Performance:
Is shared by three: Nikki Batta, Patrick Lynch, and Alex
Gallegos.Alas, Nikki spoiled her
stellar 2nd round predictions by picking Duke (horror!) as champion,
and Patrick did the same by going with (at least the more noble pick of) Purdue
as his champ (joining the three Reklaitis children as the only others to pick
the Boilers to win it all).Alex, is
still going strong.
Worst First Round
Performance:
Alas (I’m liking this word so deal with it) goes to my
youngest, John. He’s 2 years old. Considering that his twin brother and older
sister came in second in this category I’m starting to rethink having them
enter this competition considering I’m just donating $15 to the kitty every
year. Add to the fact that my picks always suck (“they can’t accuse you of
cheating if you always lose” is my buddy Paul’s line), and that Mrs. Reklaitis
(both of them actually) rarely does well, this family is contributing a cool
$35 every year to the OTP fund. Where does the other $5 come from? Check out
the guy in last place. Anyway, John missed 15, his twin brother Luke and older
sister Emily missed 14. I forced them to participate in a silly game they
didn’t’ understand so they’re forgiven. So let’s ridicule the adults shall we?! Steve
Stites, Meg Avitto, Gregg Colonna, and Jamie Vergona each performed as well as
2 year olds. Mr. Stites it must be said (cus if I don’t he will) did manage to
keep all of his final eight and after teams intact, so he still remains in the
hunt in this competition. The rest of you …? Thanks for also contributing your
$5.
Worst first round performance in the tourney? You mean other
than Duke?!?!! (Wait Missouri lost too … don’t remember that.) How about the
dopes who reffed the Syracuse/UNC-Asheville game? A series of calls at the end
of the game were dubious at best. The explanation by the head of officiating on
the CBS set after the game was even more inexplicable. Syracuse demonstrated
in their second round win over Kansas State that they are a force in this
tourney, but I feel they got some help in getting to that game.
Worst Second Round
Performance:
George “Flatlander” Dehner – he of Wichita, Kansas fame –
honked on 12 of 16 picks. He finished with a two pick “lead” over 5 Reklaitises
who missed on 10. Eric Korchnak and John Avitto also missed ten. Ok, so I will
continue to have my kids make their picks so that I can ridicule my friends who
then perform worse then them. Having kids has finally found a purpose. Who
knew?
Worst second round performance in the Tourney goes to Karma.
Seriously Karma? Robbie Hummel suffers setback after setback yet sticks with
his team, puts them on his back against 2 seeded Kansas, and you won’t let him
hit the game winning three?! Karma, you have some bad sh*t headed your way.
Last thoughts:
Please, PLEASE get your $5 in. Deadline is the 21st.
Thank you all for joining the OTP this year. Enjoy the rest
of the tourney everyone. Be back with you Thursday.
“Well, life’s not fair.
Some times you get kicked in the crotch and the foul’s on you.”
The most poignant
observation of the weekend’s first round action comes courtesy of Jim Spitzer (one
of my fellow March Madness observers) commenting on Notre Dame’s Scott Martin,
who added injury to insult by committing a foul on Xavier’s Dezmine Wells
immediately after which, Wells landed on his crotch.
Scott Martin was not the
only one who got kicked in the crotch this weekend. I’m thinking of course of 2 seeds Missouri and
Duke and of all the folks who had them advancing far in their brackets.
A group that deserves a kick in the crotch is the
Southern Mississippi Pep Band which chanted “Where’s your green card?” as
Kansas State point guard Angel Rodriguez, a Puerto Rican native, attempted free
throws.
Way to put the “ignorant”
back in “ignorant racist,” Southern Miss Pep Band.
Well, enjoy your weekend
friends, erin go bragh, and all that
stuff. I’ll be back with this year’s 15th Annual OTP Awards shortly.
Thanks for playing everybody.
First, Wow! what a great
set of games that all tipped off at 1 PM on Sunday. The Bonnies beat Xavier,
the ‘Noles upset UNC, and a great win by Vandy against seemingly unbeatable
Kentucky. I was switching channels so rapidly the remote nearly flamed out. Only
afterwards did I remember I have picture-in-picture. Anyways, a great final day
of championship week, including a fantastic back-and-forth between OSU and MSU
in the Big Ten Tourney Final.
Following the Big Ten
Tourney game, my top 12 seeds were as follows:
Apparently the committee
valued the Big Ten over the Big 12 as far as top seeds, but did not feel
Michigan was above Georgetown. Whatever, I was close.
Some quick thoughts about
the brackets and teams included:
Iowa State’s had a bit of
a resurgence with the “Mayor” Fred Hoiberg as coach. It’s a new level of
‘oldness’ when you remember (quite clearly) watching these guys play in the
tournament that they’re now coaching in. One of those tournament memories that
still sticks with me 11 years (!) later is the two-seeded Cyclones under the
leadership of beer-drinking, co-ed kissing, coach Larry Eustachy fall to 15
seed Hampton. Needless to say, the Hampton coach was happy…
In a delightful turn of
fate, Eustachy is back in the tourney after his fall from grace in 2003 for these photos (he was married at the time – full story here).
Eustachy leads
Southern Miss to the tourney. If the Golden Eagles, the nine seed, advance to
face Syracuse in the second round, it will be interesting to see how Coach
Larry chooses to celebrate said victory. Take it easy on the Natty Ice their
coach.
Speaking of coaches who I
watched play, Steve Alford’s Lobos, once again showed some spunk in conference
play, and in defeating Mountain West top-dog SDSU in the conference
championship. Still, it’s the MWC, and I don’t see New Mexico making it beyond
the Sweet 16. Speaking of kissing coaches, Rick Pitino has been known to get a bit of action on the side, and Saturday night it was his team that ended up “on
top” in the Big East Tournament (yes, incredibly sophomoric). Frankly I think
Memphis has a better chance of getting past Sparty than the Cardinals. Although
another NCAA Tourney superstar coach – Rick Majerus who made Utah a regular in
the March festivities in the 1990s (including a trip to the Championship game
in 1998) is now back with the Billikens of St. Louis University. The
Memphis-St. Louis first rounder looks to be a great matchup, although it’s sad
that one of these teams will not make it into the second round. By the way,
this is what a Billiken looks like. No clue.
As I mentioned, it was
wonderful to see Vandy and the Bonnies win in dramatic fashion and join the
tournament ranks. I’ve been a big Vandy fan for some time for three main
reasons: One, Coach Kevin Stallings is a former Purdue player (he was on the
last Purdue team to make the Final Four in 1980) and assistant coach there for
6 years. Two, Vandy Assistant Coach Dan Muller attended my high school (starred on the team, and went on to play for Coach Stallings at Illinois State)
while I was enrolled. Third, Vandy is one of only three schools to sport the
“Old Gold and Black.” My alma maters Purdue and Wake Forest are the only other
two. Why did I get my Ph.D. at Northeastern? Vandy, I believe, has a chance of
making things interesting for Syracuse. The Bonnies, on the other hand, are
running into the Buzz saw that is Florida State. Maybe the Franciscan friars of St. Bonaventure can conjure up some religious magic (Itinerarium mentis in deum).
Did you see this rant by
Lamar coach Pat Knight a month back?
Would you be surprised to learn that since
that loss to Stephen F. Austin (that’s a college not just the first Secretary
of State of the Republic of Texas) the Cardinals won their last six games
including a revenge win against said Lumberjacks and then a 21 point win in the
Conference Championship game against perennial conference giant McNeese St? Is that just some weirdly successful motivation trick or is he really just an ahole? Oh,
and here’s his dad:
Suffice to say I’m pulling
for the Catamounts.
Finally, the internet is
abuzz about the t-shirts that St. Mary’s University wore after winning the WCC (click on the pic for story).
I’m just wondering what
t-shirts they should wear after the Boilermakers usher them out of the tourney
Friday night. Or maybe those shirts should just end up around their necks.
That time of year has
arrived, when we all travel to a magic place. Where the moon doth rise with a
dragon’s face. When a man is a man, and the children dance to the pipes of pan.
The Online Tournament Pool is upon us! And you my friends, won’t you take my
hand? Let us all visit, this mystic land. Where the dewdrops cry, and the cats
meow. Excited to get started? Let me
show you how.
With much thanks to Spinal Tap, I invite you all to join in
the annual fun of picking the winners in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament
with me, your friend George. For the uninitiated, this is the traditional
invite I send out to all prospective and former OTP participants, in which I
wax poetic, describe the OTP and its rules, and attempt a string of witticisms
which normally fail but at least offer me some amusement, so what the hell. If
you care to give my endeavor at humor a try, read on! If you have long since
tired of my weary quips or have quickly gotten tired of them after only a few
paragraphs, simply point your browsers to the URL below where you can get all
the info you need in a much more straightforward (if a tad boring) manner.
Still with me? Excellent.
This year I’m relying on Sam Halpern and his life lessons to help me introduce
the OTP. Sam is the Dad featured in the book, “Sh*t My Dad Says.”
SH on Kindergarten:“You
thought it was hard? If kindergarten is busting your ass, I got some bad news
for you about the rest of life.”
Even IF kindergarten is/was
hard for you, entering the OTP is super easy. Just visit the web site (http://docgeorge.net/OTP), click on the “Brackets” icon, randomly or studiously pick the winners of
all 64 games (play-in games are not included) of the Men’s Tournament, and
click submit. Then use PayPal or the US Mail to send your $5 entry fee to me
and you are done! Simple right? If this does still seem too challenging, Emily
Reklaitis, an actual kindergartner, can come over and show you how. (She’ll
even demonstrate how to watch the games on her iPod.)
SH on Poverty: “When I had an earache, my mom would p**s
in my ear to kill the pain,” my dad once told me in an effort to illustrate the
depths of his family’s poverty. “That just seems weird, Dad. Not something poor
people do.” “Yeah, maybe that was a bad example,” he said after thinking about
it for a moment.
No need to plead poverty, the OTP entry fee is just a
scant $5 which is not due with your entry, but needs to reach me by March 21.
Once again you can pay electronically with PayPal by clicking on the icon on
the OTP home page. After dismantling my former OTP web site, and convincing PayPal that I
was no longer using their services for “illicit activities” they reinstated my
account. So, until they get wise again, we’re using PayPal again! In the hopes
of circumventing any interference from the Soviet-style Secret Police over at
PayPal, your five dollar entrance fee will be submitted as a contribution to
Bob’s Fun Run. I’m only doing this to make it easier for you to pay, but all of
the monies collected will be sent to the champion promptly on April 3 (last
year’s champ won $275!). However, you’re still welcome to pay the old fashioned
way: via mail. Please use the following address:
141 Lexington Circle, Matawan, NJ 07747
SH on Parenting: “Why would you throw a ball in
someone’s face?…Huh. That’s a pretty good reason. Well, I can’t do much about
your teacher being mad, but me and you are good.”
There is NO good reason
for you to be late with your submission, as the brackets will be available to
you starting Sunday evening (3/11). You will have until Thursday (3/15) at noon to submit
your picks. Do so on time and you and I will be good.
SH on Anxiety: “You worry too much. Eat some bacon….
What? No, I got no idea if it’ll make you feel better, I just made too much
bacon.”
Anxious that you don’t
know enough about college basketball? Concerned that the diehard bball fans who
join the OTP will have a leg up on you…?
SH on Bee Stings:“Okay,
okay, calm down. Does your throat feel like it’s closing up?…Do you have to
take a crap?…No, that don’t have anything to do with bee stings, it’s just
you’re pacing back and forth, I thought maybe you had to go.”
You really should stay calm, as if there’s one thing 15 years of
OTP’ing has shown us, is that basketball knowledge has no impact on success in
the OTP. Even the so called “experts” who seed the teams based on which are the
best and thus possess the best chance to win have, more often than not, been
wrong. Consider this, since the tournament began in 1939, only once, in 2008,
did the four top teams (the four #1 seeds) all make it to the Final Four. And
on only six occasions, have the final two competitors been #1 seeds. In fact,
on three occasions, no top teams made the semifinals. So the NCAA tourney, and
then tangentially, the OTP, are crap shoots. So come on, roll the dice with us.
There’s even a “QuickPick” option that allows you to have all the favorites
picked for you. Still nervous? Have some bacon.
SH on Hangovers:“Coming
down with something? Please. You reek of booze and BS. Don’t lie to a
Kentuckian about drinking or horses, son.”
And SH on Lying:"The worst thing
you can be is a liar. . . . Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a
Nazi, but then number two is liar. Nazi one, liar two."
These two are to convince you that this is all on the up and up. No
lying here. While my scoring system does differ than most (it’s based on total
points missed not total points gained), I’m no Nazi and no liar either. Need
assurances? How about two. First, our scoring system was designed by an
actuary, how about that? ‘What’s an actuary?’ you ask? Why people who design
complicated scoring systems of course. Second, C.T. Wood, a Kentuckian himself,
has been an OTP participant from day one. So this competition has had Kentucky’s
unofficial seal of approval for 15 years now. Convinced…? Thought so.
SH on Nice People:“Listen up, if someone is being nice to you, and you
don’t know them, run away. No one is nice to you just to be nice to you, and if
they are, well, they can go take their pleasant ass somewhere else.”
'Why do you do this?' You might ask warily. 'What do you get out of it? Maybe you should just take your pleasant OTP ass somewhere else.' Though we may
have never met, I am committed to being nice to you by inviting you to the OTP 'cus darn it, it's fun! For 15 years this has been my favorite time of year and I want you to join along! Furthermore, I'm offering my insight and
analysis of the tournament’s action following everyday’s games, and also
providing you a forum to do the same. As an OTP competitor you are not only
welcome to submit the picks but join the Tourney fun too. How’s that for being
nice? My ass is staying right here.
SH on Nudity:“It’s my house. I’ll wear clothes when I want to wear
clothes, and I’ll be naked when I want to be naked. The fact that your friends
are coming over shortly is inconsequential to that—aka I don’t give a crap.”
And, you never have to leave the comfort of your own home to enjoy the
OTP. The OTP web site (docgeorge.net/OTP) offers you everything you need right
at your computer: updated scores, witty analysis, and the chance to view your
picks and those of your competitors. So you wanna be naked? Go right ahead.
SH on LEGOS:“Listen, I don’t want to stifle your creativity, but
that thing you built there, it looks like a pile of crap.”
Not so with our lovely OTP, she’s a real beauty. Take a look for
yourself. You made it this far, here’s what you should do next.
Last year’s bracket is available for your
perusal and practice, although you currently cannot submit anything.
You MUST submit your brackets by Thursday
(3/15) noon: 12 PM.
Only one entry per person please.
Your $5 entry fee is due the following
Wednesday (3/21).
And finally, a few last
parting thoughts courtesy of Mr. Halpern:
On Bloody Noses:
“What happened? Did somebody punch you in the face?!…The
what? The air is dry? Do me a favor and tell people you got punched in the
face.”
On Water Parks:
“You go on ahead. I’d rather not be shot out of a tube
into a pool filled with a bunch of nine-year-olds’ urine.
On Toilet Training:
“You are four years old. You have to crap in the toilet.
This is not one of those negotiations where we’ll go back and forth and find a
middle ground. This ends with you crapping in a toilet.”
On Packing Lunch:
“You have to pack a sandwich. It can’t just be cookies
and bullshit…. No, I said if you packed it yourself, you could pack it how you
want it, not pack it like a moron.
On Sharing:
“I’m sorry, but if your brother doesn’t want you to play
with his crap, then you can’t play with it. It’s his crap. If he wants to be an
a**h**e and not share, then that’s his right. You always have the right to be
an a**h**e—you just shouldn’t use that right very often.”
