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As far as making your picks? I’m here for ya.
- Don’t know a thing about Men’s College Hoops?
- Not sure which upsets to pick, which #1 seed will falter, who the “Loyola of Chicago of 2018” will be the “Loyola of Chicago of 2019”?
- Don’t have a clue who the hell Loyola of Chicago is?
Dr. George is here to help with my 2019, Bracket Prognostication Special.
10 helpful facts to help you narrow the field of 64 (we don’t count the play-in games) to 1.
1. Who the hell is Loyola of Chicago?
a. No one you should worry about this year, but last year Janine Reklaitis’ alma mater (yes, THAT Janine Reklaitis), a tiny catholic school seeded #11, made it all the way to the Final Four. The lesson here? Don’t mess with Jesus. Especially since another catholic school won the whole shebang.
2. Should I pick Duke to win it all?
a. Yes. So will everyone else. And Duke will win. But you won’t. Because you failed to pick the clever upsets earlier in the tournament so your “Champion” which happens to be everyone else’s “Champion” will only serve to lump you in with all the other glory chasers.
3. So how can I be different?
a. Try wearing your pants inside-out. Comb your hair in a circular pattern. While eating lunch with your co-workers, don’t use your hands. You will stand out instantly! As far as tourney picks are concerned? Don’t stray from the #1 seeds, they inevitably succeed (unless you’re 2018 Virginia … whoops). But look for a sneaky #3, an underrated #7 or … a team from Michigan or North Carolina. Syracuse, in spite of annual distractions and poor conference play in a stacked ACC, always comes to life in March. Michigan and Michigan State seem destined for a birth in the second weekend, if not the Final Four. And Purdue, regardless of what Seth Davis of CBS, or any of its devoted Alumni may say, will NOT, repeat NOT make it to Minneapolis. A surer bet there is not. And, yes, I will still pick them to go to the Final Four.
4. Any upset tips?
a. It has now become cliché, but a 12 seed will always prevail. Easy choices here are Oregon (PAC-12 tourney champs) over Wisconsin, and the Murray State Racers (featuring soon-to-be top NBA draft pick Ja Morant) over Marquette (losers of 5 out of their last 6 games.)
5. Which top teams should I avoid?
a. Kansas is always a team that gets highly seeded. This year, you may notice, the Jayhawks only got a 4 seed. They might squeak by my other alma mater, Northeastern University, but my advice is to stay away. Florida, Maryland, and Villanova, former champs and perennial tough teams, will most likely flame out early this year.
6. So which non-#1 seeded teams should I consider moving along in my bracket?
a. Kansas State is not a sleeper, but the Bruce Weber-coached team has the potential to unseat the Hoos of Virginia. Cincinnati and Houston, the two top teams out of the American Athletic Conference, are very talented and very well coached. Both teams are perfectly positioned to pick off Tennessee and Kentucky respectively, teams that are packed with superstars but prone to lapses in concentration (kind of like me).
7. But not Purdue? They’re a 3 seed and co-Big Ten Champs? Surely they’ve got a shot, right?
a. NO, NO, NO! Don’t get me wrong, I will be cheering, praying, gasping, and wheezing, but no, no chance. It is a great squad for sure, coached by one of the all-time greats (I’m not exaggerating here either), but after a flashy victory over Old Dominion on Thursday night, and a way-too-close win against the Villanova/St. Mary’s survivor Saturday, Purdue is doomed against the long, athletic, and very strong defensive squads of either Cincinnati or Tennessee. If you’re picking Purdue to advance beyond next weekend, first pick Colgate and Iowa to prevail, ‘cus that’s the only way it’s happening. Boiler Up!
8. I don’t know any of the teams in the tournament and my alma mater (rhymes with “Indiana”) didn’t make it, who should I root for?
a. The Vermont Catamounts are a great squad featuring three brothers and a superstar named Lamb which is perfect for the Lenten crowd. The Belmont Bruins are a scrappy group from the Ohio Valley Conference starring an amazing dude named Dylan Windler who drops 40 points a game on the regular and will soon be suiting up for an NBA team near you. The UCF Knights feature an incredible Senegalese center, checking in at 7 feet 6 inches with the delightful name of Tacko Fall. The Knights are poised to inevitably fall to Duke in the second round, so catch him while you can.
9. I hate Duke, I loathe Duke, I refuse to pick Duke. What other 1 seed has a chance?
a. Gonzaga. But they will lose to Duke.
10. Alright smarty pants what’s your Elite Eight?
a. “Smarty pants?” Why thank you. I, too, think my trousers are quite sharp. I’m forecasting that Duke will prevail over Louisville in the East, Michigan over Syracuse in the West, Purdue over Kansas State in the South, and North Carolina over Kentucky in the Midwest. Duke will inevitably triumph over UNC on April 8.
And there, my friends, is my best advice to you all. Since I never win these things, make sure you pick differently than I and you have a great shot at the whole enchilada (and the prize money too).
