Ladies and Gentlemen we are back! The OTP celebrates its 20th Anniversary, having begun its run of glory back in 1997. For those of you new to the OTP, this the part where I introduce you all to the contest and its many intricacies. In honor of our 20th, I pulled the following out of the archives (updated to reflect the most recent information of course.) Enjoy...
WELCOME TO THE 2017 ONLINE TOURNAMENT POOL!
[From the OTP Archives...]
Hi Everybody! (Everybody: “Hi Dr. George!”)
Welcome back to another glorious year of NCAA Tourney
excitement and another installment of the Online Tournament Pool (OTP). This
year I’m using The Simpsons to help
me out in explaining the intricacies of the Tourney and the OTP.
For those of you who may not know me, allow me to introduce
myself.
I’m George
Reklaitis, associate professor of history at Brookdale
Community College
You may also
remember me from my self help tapes such as 'Smoke yourself thin' and 'Get some
confidence, Stupid!’;
Or from some of the public service videos I’ve done like
‘Designated Drivers, the Lifesaving Nerds,’ ‘Lead Paint: Delicious
But Deadly,’ ‘Two Minus Three Equals Negative Fun,’ ‘Locker Room Towel Fights :
The Blinding of Larry Driscoll.’
I’ve also been in a number of do-it-yourself
videos like ‘Dig Your Own Grave and Save,’ ‘Mothballing Your Battleship,’ and
‘The Half-Assed Guide to Foundation Repair.’
And such feature films as ‘The Makeout King of Montana ,’ ‘Today We Kill Tomorrow We Die,’ ‘The Contrabulous
Fabtraption of Professor Horatio Hufnagel,’ and ‘Human Fondue - Surviving the Wisconsin Dell's Cheese Factory Explosion.’
Anyway the OTP is a relatively simple affair. You visit the
OTP web site:
You click on the link labeled ‘Online Brackets,’ you point and
click on which teams among the 64 (we’re not including the play-in-games) you
feel will prevail at which point in the tourney, include your name and email
address, send in your entry fee ($5) and your done!
Homer: Uh-huh,
uh-huh. Okay. Um Can you repeat the part of the stuff where you said all about
uuhhh, things. Uhh... the things?
Look, it’s pretty simple. Visit the web site, fill in the
brackets, send in your money ($5) either via PayPal.com,
in person or through the mail:
George Reklaitis
And then just sit back and enjoy the tourney.
However, if at anytime you get confused there is someone
here who can help you…
Homer: Is it
Batman?
Marge: No, he's talking about himself!
Marge: No, he's talking about himself!
Homer: George is
Batman?
Marge: It's not
Batman!
Yes, I’m always here at docrek@gmail.com,
to answer any queries you may have. Additionally, the website also includes a
detailed list of rules and regulations that can help you educate yourself about
the OTP.
Homer: How is
education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something
new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home
winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?
Um, right … well let me spell it out for you.
- Brackets
will be available online (https://docrek.wixsite.com/otp17)
by Sunday night (3/12/17).
- Last
year’s bracket is available for your perusal and practice, although you
currently cannot submit anything.
- You
MUST submit your brackets by Thursday (3/16) NOON.
- Only
one entry per person please.
- Your
$5 entry fee is due the following Wednesday (3/22).
After all the entries are in I will be posting them on the
web site so you can view your picks and the picks of your competitors. I will be
updating the standings after every round of tournament action, and I will be
providing my one of a kind insight and commentary on the tournament in the OTP
Blog.
The scoring system is unnecessarily complex, but that’s what
you get when you steal it from an actuary. The standings are based on points missed rather than on points gained.
Confused? Don’t be, its all on the up and up, I’m not trying
to fool anyone.
Homer: You
couldn't fool your own mother on the foolingest day of your life with an
electrified fooling machine!
Good point. But just to avoid any confusion I’ve created a
bit of a FAQ answered by myself and
my friends the Simpsons.
Q. Is it true that the winner of the pool gets a
peanut?
A. No. The winner of the pool will receive the sum total of
all the entry fees collected (minus $5). So, for example, if 5 people enter the pool,
the winner will receive twenty dollars
Homer: Aw, twenty
dollars! I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services!
Homer: Woo-hoo!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services!
Homer: Woo-hoo!
Q. What happens if I don’t pay my entry fee?
A. Unfortunately I’ll have to discard your picks, so please,
if you submit a bracket, don’t try and weasel out of the $5.
Homer: Weaseling
out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals
... except the weasel.
Q. What if I submit an entry under a false name?
A. Again, if I don’t receive payment your entry won’t count,
even if you submit it under the name Joey Jo Jo … Junior … Shabadoo.
Homer: Moe, I need
your advice.
Moe: Yeah?
Homer: See, I got this friend named... Joey Jo Jo... Junior... Shabadoo.
Moe: That's the worst name I ever heard.
(Joey runs out of the bar sobbing)
Barney: Hey! Joey Jo Jo!
Moe: Yeah?
Homer: See, I got this friend named... Joey Jo Jo... Junior... Shabadoo.
Moe: That's the worst name I ever heard.
(Joey runs out of the bar sobbing)
Barney: Hey! Joey Jo Jo!
Q. What if I don’t know a thing about basketball?
Aren’t I just throwing my money away?
A. First of all, its all of 5 bucks ya cheapskate.
Secondly, basketball knowledge is not a prerequisite to success in the tourney.
Witness the success of John Reklaitis (a.k.a. ‘JJ,’ a.k.a.
‘Jabes’) who came within a wolverine's whisker of winning the 2014 OTP. My
(at the time) 5 year old son's comprehensive knowledge of college basketball was limited
to the Purdue fight song and the fact that the Indiana Hoosiers are evil: An excellent start, but
hardly the markings of a college basketball guru.
Krusty: I thought
they were due! That game was fixed! The Globetrotters used a ladder for pete's
sake! C'mon! He's just holding out the ball, take it!
On the other hand, yours truly, who’s love for college
basketball is only matched by my love of beer …
Homer: Homer no
function beer well without.
… and of course the aforementioned ‘Christina’ … finished dead
last. Point is, basketball knowledge is of minimal, if any, importance where
the OTP is concerned. Finally, there is a ‘Pick the Favorites' option that allows you,
with a simple click of a button, to have all the favorites chosen for you. So
come on, give it a try.
Homer:
Trying is the first step towards failure.
Homer: Kids, you
tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
Q. What makes the OTP so great?
A. Well first of all, it’s easy! There are no mimeographed
brackets to deal with, no bothersome interpersonal communication, you can enjoy
the OTP right from the internet on your very own personal or work computer or mobile device!
Homer: Oh, so they have internet on computers
now!
Q. Okay, but aren’t there hundreds of other online
pools? Why should I do this one?
A. Because I’m committed to providing you the most thorough
online experience possible. I pledge to watch every second of every game (for
the first two rounds anyway).
Homer: Television! Teacher, mother, secret
lover.
And I’ll provide you with updated standings, scores, and
commentary. What could be better?
Q. Wait, you’re going to spend Thursday through
Sunday doing nothing but watching basketball? Don’t you have a job?
A. Yep. But in my job there’s a thing called Spring Break.
Woo-hoo. A whole week off!
Marge: Homer, the
plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up
on Monday.
Homer: Woo-hoo. Four-day weekend!
Homer: Woo-hoo. Four-day weekend!
Q. Why do we need an Online Tournament Pool? Can’t
we just enjoy the tournament for itself? Why not just watch for the sake of
seeing some great competition? Or even better, why not get off your lazy ass
and go play basketball!?
Homer: Son, when
you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how
drunk you get.
Homer’s right. Besides, the OTP adds a level of excitement
to the tourney. Would you normally care whether West
Virginia Oakland defeated New
Mexico
Mr. Burns: Woah,
slow down there maestro. There's a *New* Mexico
Participating in the OTP makes you care! It makes you
suddenly very interested and excited about the Lobos and the Mountaineers, the
Grizzlies and the Rajun Cajuns!
Q. Why don’t you run a pool for the women’s
tournament? Are you sexist?
A. I’ll let Homer field this one …
Homer: Lisa, if
the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick
to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.
While I think sports are important for all, I honestly just
don’t find women’s basketball that interesting. Sorry.
Q. Does the OTP officially endorse any consumer
products?
A. Why yes we do. Items such as:
- Styro-Glow! (the incredibly simple
seventeen-step solution that makes your styrofoam look brand new)
- New Improved Brick! (the waterproof sponge! Now
in decorator colors!!)
- Brew 'n' Chew (the beer flavored gum)
- Obscenity! (the fragrance that isn't afraid to speak your mind!)
Q. How about letting us ask some questions of the
Simpsons?
A. Certainly.
Q. Homer, what’s a Muppet?
Homer:
Well, it's not quite a mop, not quite a puppet, but man... (laughs, then
pauses) So, to answer you question, I don't know.
Q. Grandpa Simpson, is your son, Homer, a communist?
Grandpa:
My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a
communist, but he is not a porn star.
Q. This question is for Attorney Lionel Hutz. Mr. Hutz, why
did Wake Forest
Lionel
Hutz: Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over
his dog. Actually, replace "accidentally" with
"repeatedly," and replace "dog" with "son."
Q. Umm, Moe the Bartender? What are your thoughts on the UNC
Tar Heels?
Moe: They think
they're so high and mighty, just because they never got caught driving without
pants.
Q. George, could you provide us with a few more of
your favorite Simpson’s quotes?
A. Certainly.
Homer:
Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've
seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever
sucked!Marge: HOMER!
Homer: I gotta go Moe my damn weiner kids are listening.
Marge:
This is the worst thing you've ever done.
Homer: You say that so often that it lost its meaning.
Homer: You say that so often that it lost its meaning.
Mr.Burns:
Quick Smithers. Bring the mind eraser device!
Smithers: You mean the revolver, sir?
Mr.Burns: Precisely.
Mr.Burns: Precisely.
Barney:
Hello, my name is Barney Gumble, and I'm an alcoholic.
Lisa: Mr Gumble, this is a girl scouts meeting.
Barney: Is it, or is it you girls can't admit that you have a problem?
Lisa: Mr Gumble, this is a girl scouts meeting.
Barney: Is it, or is it you girls can't admit that you have a problem?
Barney:
Hey, Homer, I'm worried about the beer supply. After this case, and the other
case, there's only one case left.
Homer:
I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me
Superman.
Marge:
Grandpa, this flag only has 49 stars on it
Grandpa: I'll be deep in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missourah!
Grandpa: I'll be deep in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missourah!
Wife:
Now Cletus, why did ya haf to park next to my parents?
Cletus: Now, Now, Hun, they're my parents too...
Cletus: Now, Now, Hun, they're my parents too...
Principal
Skinner: Order, order. Do you kids wanna be like the real UN or do you just wanna
squabble and waste time?
Hello, I'm Leonard Nimoy. The following tale of alien encounter is true
and by true, I mean false. Its all lies. But they're entertaining lies, and in
the end isn't that the real truth? The answer is no.
Homer: Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to
worship Jesus Christ
Ralph:
Me fail English? That's unpossible.
Homer:
Here's to alcohol, the cause of—and solution to—all life's problems.
Q. Anything else?
A. Just check out the website (https://docrek.wixsite.com/otp17), make your
picks anytime between Sunday night (3/12) and Thursday noon (3/16), get
your $5 into me by March 22 and enjoy the Madness!
Note: Credit is due
to Paul Schultz, from whom I shamelessly borrowed the FAQ idea. The Simpsons are the property of Fox
Broadcasting Co.
